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Everyone deserves a support person like this.
When Tarik Flannagan and his husband Jeff Bugajski took the leap and adopted their daughter Avery 6 years ago, everything changed in an instant. Like all first-time parents, they experienced new fears, doubts, uncertainties, and exhaustion. And the adoption process itself was a maze of unknowns, twists, and turns.
Thankfully, they had family in their corner. From offering parenting advice to providing calm, consistent reassurance throughout the adoption process, Tarik’s sister Tamicka was there to support them every step of the way. “The advice that Tamicka has given me has really run the range - from simple things like how she arranged baby clothes in their drawers, to how to discipline,” Tarik explains. “Although there have been different levels of help, they really all have been beneficial to life as a parent.
And while Avery’s arrival instantly made their family feel fuller — they realized it didn’t yet feel complete.
So when they got the call a few years later about potentially adopting Avery’s biological brother, Alexander, they were thrilled. “Tamicka was one of the first people I called and both Jeff and I were so emotional telling her (and other family) because we couldn't believe it was happening,” Tarik recalls. Not only was Avery’s adoption the perfect way to grow their family and provide a loving home to a child, but they felt more secure in the adoption process this time around.
But that security quickly crumbled when the pandemic hit and the courts closed. Suddenly, well-laid plans were thrown into turmoil. Court dates were canceled. Required home inspections and meetings no longer felt safe. It felt like their family’s future was up in the air.
Hear more from Tamicka
Again, Tamicka was the emotional and practical support they needed. Even without intimate knowledge of the system, she was always willing to jump in and help. “I tell my kids all the time, ‘I don’t know what I’m doing - this is my first rodeo! We’re all figuring this out. So, let’s do the best we can and work it out together,’” she says. “And that was the same thing with Tarik and Jeff. You might not know exactly what you’re doing, but once you start checking those boxes, the list gets smaller, and you know you’re moving in the right direction.”
At the end of the day, the goal was met. And that’s really what’s important.
While it could have been easy to lose hope, Tamicka was determined to keep the faith. “I’m a firm believer that things happen how they’re supposed to,” she continues. “We may not understand it at the time — we may not even accept it at the time. But the process of going through this adoption, the challenges that it brought, there’s a lesson in all of that. At the end of the day, the goal was met. And that’s really what’s important.”
Even though the road to finalizing Alexander’s adoption was long and oftentimes stressful, the family finally made it official and celebrated via Zoom on Oct. 6, 2021.
Growing up, Tamicka says her parents were determined to forge a solid bond between her and Tarik. Today, she’s thankful for that commitment — and has the same goal for her own 3 children. “I enjoy having someone that I don’t feel like I have to talk to ‘because he’s my brother,’” she explains. “I’m really fortunate to be able to say that I have a brother that’s my friend.”
“I imagine that there aren’t as many stories as we would hope where there are biological siblings that are able to be adopted together. For those two children to share something so significant is awesome,” she continues.
“I look at the bond my brother and I have, even being so many miles away…we share something that’s different from other relationships. So for Avery and Alexander to have that same bond, that’s what this is all about.”
Today, their families are incredibly close. And even though they live 6 hours away, Tarik and Jeff always know they’ve got Tamicka in their corner. “I feel like the adoption process and parenthood has made Tamicka and I closer,” Tarik says. “It gives us something extra to connect on and talk about. It's not only strengthened our relationship, but it’s also helped us try to strengthen the relationship our children have with each other. Although we live in different states, we try to figure out times when we can gather and have our families spend time with each other.“
“I’m grateful they felt comfortable seeking advice from me, and that we were able to do it together,” Tamicka says. “We’re all learning, the kids are thriving, so we’re doing something right. And that’s what matters at the end of the day.”
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